Expectations are low and people hate putting these slimy buggers on them. On the other hand, agreements are what people prefer, and the consensus they create is strong. Expectations are sneaky little buggers because they can work their way in many forms of communication and they seem to be friendly and even useful. But they are still only on you and on closer inspection you can see their telltale signs of weakness. To express my point of view, I will tell you a brief story about the agreement and, at the same time, I will see the communication as exactly what it was — I want someone to do what I needed to do with it. You can have relationships based on expectations or relationships based on agreements. Expectations are cowardly and self-destructive. They are cowards, because when I expect things from others, I have all the responsibilities beyond myself. I expect my colleague to do his job properly, I expect my family member to act in a certain way, and the list goes on. If I am unhappy, it is because of them. Expectations cause disappointment.
It is a miserable life that awaits so many others and suffers so much disappointment and betrayal. One thing I appreciate about the applications is their two-way clearance. Keep in mind that an issue is a step towards an agreement and that there must be room for negotiation. Otherwise, especially when you have powers or authorities to transfer in a situation, a request is only a verbalized expectation. We strengthen ourselves by asking questions. And we strengthen others if we respond in return and listen to their requests. Expectations vs. AgreementsCoach and author Steve Chandler (www.stevechandler.com) is an intelligent voice on the difference between expectations and chords. He is aware that he considers all expectations to be toxic and that he has never considered them useful. In his audio address on this subject, Steve says it`s not a long piece and I`m not waiting for you to read it, but if you do, I think I can present you with a more effective way to manage your relationships at the hotel - maybe even at home.
If you can move in that direction, you will be a more effective guide and people will love you more. This may be obvious, but one last important indication is that requests and agreements require real-time maintenance, not text or email exchange. So if you`re in that space of disappointment or impeachment, you set up a time to talk and make a deal. With practice, collusion becomes a proactive approach to communication. First of all, and most importantly, the reason you want to use the agreements is that they work very well, when expectations don`t work and keep people away. When you use the word wait, people know that this is the subject that concerns you and has nothing to do with them. As a coach, I support others almost every day in developing applications and developing agreements. I think the development of this skill set is essential for changemakers and I recognize that it requires practice and courage. May this contribution serve as a memory, support and provocation. One relationship at a time, we can get rid of toxic expectations by turning them into demands and agreements.
I have many concepts for this piece by an author of several great books and audio files, Steve Chandler. Although his attitude towards these expectations is not new, his way of explaining the difference between these two modes of work is nothing short of brilliant.